1. Can’t stop despite negative consequences.
2. Presence of a mood-altered state
3. Strong element of denial.
4. Behavior is chronic and escalating because of tolerance.
5. Occurrence of withdrawal symptoms.

Let’s look at each of these elements in turn and see how compulsive sexual behavior fits these 5 descriptors:

1. Can’t stop despite negative consequences.

Let’s say that a guy drinks a six-pack of beer one night. Is he an alcoholic? Maybe. Let’s say that he drinks these six-packs every night for a week. Is he an alcoholic? Maybe. Let’s say that he then gets arrested for driving under the influence, goes to court and has his license suspended, after which he is so upset that he goes out drinking to feel better and has a wreck driving home. This guy is definitely moving into addiction territory at this point. He had to go out and do the very same behavior to feel better that brought him some negative consequences in the first place.

Sexual addiction works the same way. It’s not the number of affairs or prostitutes that defines the sexual addict. It’s what happens after there are consequences. Let’s take the case of a man who is married, loves his wife, and wants to stay married. But he starts going to strip bars and eventually ends up spending most of his paycheck for lap dances, leaving him with no money to buy his kid a birthday present. The next week he’s feeling so guilty that the only thing that takes his mind off his problems is to go back to the strip bar. Or to go to a massage parlor. More guilt leads to more secret sexual behavior until there is the development of an ongoing secret life.

I know of a case where a young man was arrested five times for exposing himself in mall parking lots. He got off with probation until the sixth time, when the judge was fed up and said that if he got arrested again for exhibitionism, he would have to go to jail. This guy was so nervous and fearful walking out of the courthouse that he actually exposed himself on the way to his car in the courthouse parking lot. There you have addiction in action.

2. Presence of a mood-altered state.

Cocaine makes the user feel powerful and alert. Alcohol relaxes many people. Why do people engage in addictive behaviors? It’s simple. They want to change their mood. They want to feel better, at least in the short run. So they drink. Or shoot up. Or go to massage parlors. In the old days, it was thought that you had to take a substance in order to be an addict, e.g., a cocaine addict is addicted to cocaine. But a cocaine addict isn’t really addicted to cocaine, but rather to the feeling that comes with cocaine, in other words, the power surge, mind in overdrive, feeling like you can take on the world, willing to take risks in the name of adventure, with perhaps a heightened sexual drive. (Which, by the way, often dissipates as the user does more and more cocaine.)

Many sex addicts don’t need drugs in order to go into a profound sexual trance, often using specific rituals to deepen the effect. Fantasy and pornography usually play a large role in the development of the trance state. Addicts report feeling like their brains have been taken over, as if they are in the control of someone else, like a Jekyll & Hyde situation. I know a gay man who felt the need to cruise around the park for hours looking for just the right person to have anonymous sex with, sometimes not even having sex but going home exhausted. Sex addicts who also use alcohol, marijuana or other drugs to deepen their sexual trance state report that they often relapse in chemical dependency treatment if their sexual trance urges are ignored.

extreme gangbangs, adult erotica, fucked in the ass, oops celebs robbs main, gothiornography, closeup pics, butt lick, granny fisting, cfnm pictures free, galleries of gay sex, daytona black beach week, adult cam, bobco's handjob, big huge clit, fantasy dream girls, dora annamarie latin pussy, uk dating, swallowing cum, pamela anderson's boobs, pregnant erotica, adolescent girls in bikinis, asshole quotes, incest cartoon comics, busty bbw, animal dildo, brazil, hentai gallery, ebony celebreties, teen ticklish feet, bad bitch, anal moms, lesbian lick, legs skirt, group sex free pics, ebony big tits galleries free, young cheerleader, hairy chested guys, hustler fuck, coed naked twister, free movie trailers and clips, big fat ass booties, big booty hoes ethnic, chubby amature, ffm movie gallery, porn dvd reviews, best nude flexible girls, housewife tgp, cartoon cum, how to give blowjobs, female dog names, coeds fucking, gay latin porn, donkey dick, meredith brooks bitch, latina gangbangs, fat whore, orgasm faces, desperate housewives spoilers, hustler video dvd, ebony orgies, cock suck, thai handjob, mature bbw, closeup vaginal penetration, big hard clit, lesbian kissing, dog blowjob, anal valley, nice butt babes, mmf bisexual sex, group nudes, mike in brazil porn, fantastic facials, cfnm blowjobs, teeny legs, big asses, asshole video, incest message board, stripper boots, hot girls on the beach, dirty dozen brass band, free pornography, teen bikinis, beverly hills 90210 dvd, pink dildo, ethnic women nudes, high school cheerleaders naked, wonder woman erotica, mexican boobs, teen hairy, chubby black girls, milf cum, bdsm artwork, gay xxx, flexible pencils, asian torture, amateur men, sugar hill gang apache, adult manga galleries free, pig beastiality, gay cum eating, black chubby chicks, lenceria erotica lingerie, fake boobs, teen chicks, long dildo, celebreties boobs, little lesbians, free lesbian movies, creampie gangbang, ebony teen galleries, free hustler video, dirty dozen brass band, free hardcore lesbian sex, cock sucking men, nifty gay stories incest, bdsm galleries, butt closeups, huns adult yellow page, asshole galleries, bbw girls, asian girl galleries, singles online dating match, kissing girls feet, swingers groups, naked gnant bitches, smallest dick contest, menstrual fetish, hentai sex, facial mask, piss face, big tit blowjobs, forced her to suck his, virginia beach district wrestling, lesbian web cams, anal stories, big tits ffm, handjob videos cfnm, blonde fucking, restless leg syndrome treatment, ass rape, asian gang, latin pussy fuck, female models nude, can can video clips, amateur brunette, free college coeds gallery, free ethnic gay cock pics, spanking video, beastiality- free sample movie trailers, live young girls, asian schoolgirl upskirt, oral fuck suck, milf banger, otk spanking, naked college girls, japanese tits, mouth cock, old english lettering tattoos, nurse giving blowjob, how does bacteria rust a nail, sex fetish toys, breast silicone surgery, retro porn, double vagina penetration, hardcore orgasm, 20 weeks pregnant, young trans, mature milf, adult smoking, nicholas rape case leaflet contents, shaved smooth, lesbian sex in publiublic beach sex, vixena nylon glamour, japanese oral, busty french maid, female domination male slave, plastic outdoor furniture, teen supermodels, reality porn sex, gay movies, young ass, melony melons, zoo animals activities k-3, free military sex, teen lingerie, adult home party, stacy keibler gallery thong, speculum camera, porn toon, dbz music videos, licking vagina, nude straight men, xxx tgp, honda engine swap, peeping upskirt, youth vagina, nude photography, twink free pics, pointy nipples, swedish erotica, hardcore cheerleaders, international dating, brazil teens, bbw nudes, anal dancer flexible, teen hotties in bikinis, nude mexican housewives, sexy round asses, hairy female legs, asian school girl, hard spankings, final fantasy doujin, horny feet, but i'm a cheerleader, that asshole, anime incest, jizz face gallery, female vampire, best blowjob, big butt ass girls, gay bareback, gay forced, cum hustler, kristen beastiality archives, fat fuck, xxx celebs, home made amateur porn, milf dvd, ebony bdsm, squeezing boobs, cartoon doll makers, chubby facial, big cock movies, chicks on horse dicks, free and hentai and games, group sex orgy, mom dad sex, blonde bitch, free gang bang, chat rooms for bisexual teens, women showing hairy pussy closeup, tamara henriques rain boots, adult movie reviews, blonde handjobs, latin dicks, dildo worship nyc, picture of pussy and clit, atk hairy galleries, ethnic latino boys naked, pussy shower, female orgasm sound, rape movies, largest anal penetration, adult movie trailers, slut wife xxx, free shemale movie clips, mature pantyhose, tty girls in stockings, zoo scat, son fucks mom, skinny big tits, estrogen dominance youth, 6 year old vagina, bit tits, milf babes, kraft maid kitchen cabinets, tranny fucking guy, japanese speculum, male dog sex, silicone breast implants moderate profile, swallow cock cum galleries, girls wearing thongs, marge simpson xxx, the treaty of paris, ff nylons glamour pics, masturbation in public, redhead panties, symbian sex machine, shaved boy, horse suck, nurses getting fucked, gallery of men in jockstraps, gay twink fuck, teen muscle studs, whore videos, sex education, airport trans md, teen nipple, office girls office girls, lingerie lesbian, midget blowjobs, teen party ideas, pregnant thumbs, outdoor camping supplies, 80's pornstars, what is oral sex, japanese schoolgirl upskirt, knoxville tennessee secretary service, fergie nude, hairy wife, hentai oral, asian schoolgirls, naked military men, breasts growing uncontrolably bigger melons, lesbian video, silicone breast implant rupture, easy orgasms, raiders suck, shave ice machines, celebrity swap channel 5, twinks masturbating, beach sex, fake vagina, stockings porn, tranny slut, spanking teen brandi, sex party pics, shemale toons, k9 sluts, mom masturbating, young anal, girl rimjob, hard speculum, thongs on girl's, trans canada highway map, male masturbation techniques, cock mouth, teen flashers, shaved lesbians, senior hairy clit thumb nails, women naked in public, c cup tanned breasts, top pornstars, paris hitlon, young pregnant, lindsey lohan nipple slip, youth group- forever young, male masturbators, free adult sex movies, asian big tits, anal sex toys, redhead orgasm, breasts mature, smoking lesbians, midget penis size, porno reality, sex in a office, voyeur women, gooey cum cum swallow, oral annie, milf xxx, private video, scat hovercraft, men suck, dog toy, paris hilton sex videos, swallow your cum, box making machine, live chats xxx free, speculum enema story, amsterdam live voyeur sex, camera inside a vagina, lesbian trans, shaved pussy sex, big tits and asses, toon sex games, masturbating wife, anime natural melons, swap object in java, nude muscle men, blond anal penetration, masterbating in publiublic sex videos, women showers nude, 36 weeks pregnant, military wedding cake toppers, hard stud, tranny pussy, nirvana rape me, nudist teens, secretary strip, teen skinny dipping, sex nylon, celeb nipples, teen smoking facts, upskirt office, gay twink bondage, deep throat women, rimjob movies, women naked outdoors, hard core sex, gay male masturbation, older mature women, sexy soccer mom, nurse porn, thong girl, super sexy lingerie, spanking chat, disney free porn, blackpool zoo open There is a psychiatric problem known as obsessive-compulsive disorder. It involves doing rituals over and over in a driven way. Think of Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets. This is not addiction because there is no high. In the movie Jack washed his hands over and over but was still a grouch. Some therapists try to treat sexual addiction as belonging in this category. But the sex addict is after a high; he wants that trance state.

3. A strong element of denial.

Look at the letters in DENIAL. They could be said to stand for Don’t Even kNow I Am Lying. It is said that in this country alcoholism is the most untreated treatable disease. And the reason that most alcoholics don’t get better is that they refuse to admit that they have this disease. So they don’t go for help. You aren’t going to recover from cancer if you don’t first admit that you have it. Then you have to take chemo or whatever else the doctor says is most effective.

Sex addicts, also, have a million excuses for their compulsive behavior: We Italians have a high sex drive; what my husband doesn’t know won’t hurt him; all gays have anonymous sex, no big deal; it’s only a hand job at the massage parlor, so what can it hurt? The only way to come out of denial is to have consequences that actually mean something, such as the loss of a job or important relationship. Family members can find ways to set up interventions, as has been done historically with other addicts.

4. The behavior is chronic and escalating.

Sex addicts, like other addicts, are not just going through a phase. Rarely does addictive behavior just go away on its own. Instead, the addict has to find new ways to get high because of the phenomenon of tolerance. The lap dance at the strip bar isn’t enough because you don’t get to touch the woman, so then it’s off to the massage parlor. Perhaps that person only does hand massage, so then there may be an escalation to intercourse with call girls. Then regular intercourse becomes boring and S&M painful scenarios may emerge.

Or, say a person starts off exposing himself once a month from the bedroom window as a teenager, for a lark. A pornography collection is built, fantasy life increases, and the next thing you know the exposing behavior is escalating out of the house, so that the person is risking car accidents by driving while masturbating, several times a week or even daily. Sexual addiction often starts in childhood, which is why it often includes strongly ingrained ritualistic patterns of behavior that are very hard to break, especially without professional help.

5. Occurrence of withdrawal symptoms.

Everybody knows that alcoholics can go into withdrawal and have, for example, delirium tremors (DT’s), if they are in advanced stages of alcoholism and stop drinking suddenly. But do sex addicts have withdrawal symptoms? Dr. Patrick Carnes, author of Don’t Call It Love and other books on sexual addiction, conducted research on hundreds of sex addicts and found that when they enter treatment they often have many of the same withdrawal symptoms that alcohol and drug addicts have. I used to work in a hospital setting, and when we had sex addicts stop their rituals in a "cold turkey" fashion through the use of celibacy contracts, they often reported sleepless nights, intrusive dreams, a high level of waking anxiety, irritability, and emotional liability (roller coaster feelings). They often had sexual "using dreams," much the same way that drug users do when they first enter treatment.

In summary then, it is clear that compulsive sexual behavior does have all these elements that make up an addictive disorder. The good news is that recovery from sexual addiction can be successful, especially if the addict follows some of the tried and true methods of addiction recovery, such as going to appropriate 12-Step meetings, seeing a therapist, entering a treatment program or considering a halfway house.

(If you copy this article for others, please copy the following author bio as well):


Sharon O’Hara, M.A., Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, has a private practice in the South Bay area of Los Angeles, specializing in treating men and women with sexual addiction or other relationship problems. She is also the Chairperson of the National Council of Sex Addiction, California Chapter. She can be reached via email at sharonohara@aol.com, via snail mail at 3250 W. Lomita Blvd, Suite 202, Torrance, CA 90505, or by phone at (310) 326-5534.